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LAMBOAPP
🏎️ DEGENERATE MODE: DEAL SOURCING·💎🙌

Stop yolo’ing SPY puts. Start acquiring cash-flowing businesses that print every month.

LamboApp screens ~100 businesses for sale every day across 30+ brokers. Our AI reads every listing, flags the scams, scores the winners, and hands you a 1-paragraph thesis. When lambo? When you stop paper-handing SPY and start acquiring SMBs at 3x SDE.

~/equity-platform
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The Thesis

SPY YTD: 12%. A boring HVAC business at 3x SDE: 33% cash-on-cash + you own the asset. Math is undefeated. So why are you still refreshing $SPY?

Autist-grade due diligence

Claude reads every listing, flags the red flags brokers hide — add-back cheese, revenue concentration, 'SDE = revenue with steps' — so you don't wire $2M into a dumpster fire.

The screener does the boring part

30 broker feeds. One firehose. Filtered by SDE multiple, industry, cash flow. Sort by fit score. Save searches. Alerts when an 8+/10 deal drops.

Cash flow > meme stocks

You cannot eat unrealized gains. You can, however, deposit an HVAC company's monthly EBITDA into your checking account. One of these two options fills the driveway with a Lambo.

How the machine works

Every 6 hours: firehose. Every hour: Claude screens 8 deals, scores 0-10, writes a thesis, flags landmines.

You get the top-fit deals in a browsable feed. Buy signal, investigate, or pass — one glance. Sourcing is now something that happens while you sleep instead of something you feel guilty about not doing.

  1. 01

    Sign in with GitHub

    One click. We use the standard GitHub App OAuth flow — no PATs, no secrets to manage.

  2. 02

    We fork the platform to your account

    You get your own copy of the equity-platform repo. Every change lands as a commit on your fork.

  3. 03

    Clone + ./local/up.sh

    One script boots a local kind cluster with ArgoCD, NATS, and the multi-tenant console. ~3 minutes.

  4. 04

    Create businesses from the console

    Every action writes YAML to your fork. ArgoCD reconciles. Rollback is git revert.

Real Testimonials™

The people have spoken.

(Legally we are required to tell you these are dramatizations. Any resemblance to persons living, dead, or currently margin-called is coincidental.)

u/DeepFuckingValueSMB
Search-fund apex predator

Bought a car wash at 2.8x SDE last month. Wife’s boyfriend now respects me.

* Not a real Reddit user. Wife’s boyfriend approval not guaranteed.

Chad Thundercock
Ex-0DTE degenerate, now HVAC magnate

Sold my 0DTE portfolio. Bought a laundromat. Monthly cash flow: $47k. Robinhood notifications received: zero. Sleep quality: elite.

* Chad is a composite character. The laundromat is metaphorical. Sleep quality varies.

Anon on a search-fund Discord
Almost-victim of a bad wire

The AI flagged 6 red flags in a listing I was about to wire on. Saved me $1.4M. I offered Jared my firstborn.

* Firstborn offering declined. Venmo also acceptable.

HVACGigaChad
Tesla Y → Lambo Urus in 18mo

Went from Tesla Y to Lambo Urus in 18 months. All I did was let the machine tell me which listings were actually printing. My accountant is scared.

* Vehicles depicted are stock photos. Lambo delivery is not included with signup.

Grandma Judith, 74
Former day-trader, current portfolio operator

I asked my grandson what ‘SDE’ means and now I own three self-storage facilities. The AI does the reading for me. I do the depositing.

* Grandma Judith is not real. Self-storage facilities can, however, be very real.

Anonymous LP
Wrote a check they will not confirm

Cannot legally comment on which fund I run. Can confirm every acquisition target we’ve closed in Q3 was surfaced by this thing before our associates got to it.

* LP has requested anonymity. LP is also completely fabricated.

Powered by boring, expensive-per-token AI

Not sexy. Extremely effective.

You do not need a rocket ship. You need a deal machine that runs while you sleep, hydrates a Postgres table, and pings you when a listing scores above 8.

  • Claude Haiku
    Deal screening + thesis
  • CatchBuys
    30-broker aggregator
  • Apify
    BizBuySell + long-tail
  • Postgres + pgvector
    Deal database
  • n8n
    Workflow orchestration
  • Grafana
    Backlog + fit-score dashboards
  • IndexNow
    Bing / Yandex fanout
  • Google Indexing API
    GSC direct ping

When lambo? Now.

Sign in with GitHub. Fork the sourcer. Point it at your buy-box. Watch deals land in a Postgres table like a slot machine that only pays out cash-flowing SMBs.

LamboApp — Acquire cash-flowing SMBs (not meme stocks)